West view of Westminster Abbey, London.

Image via Wikipedia

No school today… This Royal wedding thing going on!   It’s everywhere! Just everyone talking about it.  

I must admit.. it’s never been something that interested me!  All those posh people lording it about like they were royalty! (Ok, ok.. they ARE royalty, I know that.. but you know what I mean!)

But, I’m ashamed to admit it.. I was sitting there today with my little dog, Regal, thinking ‘What I’m I going to do today!’.   Me ma was still in bed with Binny.. I heard them get in about 4 o’clock this morning, then lots of horrible noises coming from her room.  I always put my pillow over my head and imagine I’m on a ship looking over the side, with the wind on my face, and seagulls flying up above.  That usually takes my mind off what might be going on in me ma’s bedroom.  It’s surprising how far you can travel in your own head!  Without a great imagination, I don’t know how I’d cope.

Anyway, I turned on the tele (which has got a new big crack right down the side of it, where Binny threw a beer bottle at it when Liverpool failed to get a goal in the net the other night).  He wasn’t even watching the match (we’re not posh enough to have the fancy channels), he was just watching the highlights on match of the day.

So I turned the tele on this morning, and there was just loads of stuff on this big royal wedding.   I thought, ‘Oh shit, this!’   but I was just sitting there, in the quietness of our dark living room, and I started watching! Yeah, ME watching the royal wedding! I saw the Prince travel to Westminster Abbey, and I saw his new wife get out of the posh car and walk down the aisle with her dad!   Dead sad of me, I know, but I’m ashamed to admit I enjoyed it!   I thought.. God she’s just a normal lady, she looked dead nervous, and I felt sorry for her.   She’s pretty, but just like someone from next door or something.  She was ‘real’.

When they got married, I thought, just imagine being him, William, standing there with millions of people watching… how amazing that would be!  I’d be absolutely shitting myself!  And I bet my kecks would fall down while I was standing there at the altar waiting for the bride.. so the whole world could see my tackle!

Binny came in then.. he looked like shit.   ‘What the f&ck are you watching!’  I tried to turn the tele over quick so he couldn’t see what I was watching.. but it was too late.. he’d seen it.

‘The royal f&cking wedding!’ he laughed, ‘You f&cking little gay-boy!’

‘I’m not!’ I shouted.  Binny smacked the side of the tele so it went black.  I screamed out ‘You’ve broke it!’.

He pushed me back and shouted in my face, ‘f&ck you, gaylord!  I didn’t answer.   I know when not to speak. 

Binny went back up to bed to me ma.   I hate him.  I hate him so much.  And I hate me ma for letting him live here. 

I never did get to see the end of the royal wedding.  I’m ashamed to say.. I was gutted!

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