The Needle

Posted: July 31, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
2010 03 15 - 3173 - Rosedale - Hypodermic needle

Image by thisisbossi via Flickr

I’ve been trying my best not to bump into Binny since the footstool incident! I’ve been expecting him to take some sort of revenge for me barging in the living room and claiming the footstool back as my own, but I haven’t even seen him! I know he’s about at night sometimes, and I know he’s sleeping in me ma’s bed; not even thick, bedroom walls and pillows over my head can drown out that noise! Twice this week I’ve got dressed after midnight and gone out for a walk.. I just can’t bear the sound! It makes me want to throw up, or punch his head in. I can’t think what me ma sees in that waster! She can do better than him.. she doesn’t need him.  I can look after her! How can he look after her when he’s either half cut, stoned or has a needle stuck in his arm! Not that I’ve seen a needle stuck in his arm.. but I’ve seen the signs… the bruises… and the look he’s got when he’s been shooting up.   It’s a much scarier look than when he’s stoned.

Last year in school, Linda Baines was carted off in an ambulance after they found her wasted on the floor of the girls toilets.   She’d been shooting heroin.   We never saw her again.   She was 13 years old.

Since then we’ve had people come into our school to tell us more about drugs.  Telling us about the signs and how to say ‘no’.   But I’m scared. … I’m scared me ma might get like Binny.   She likes the whiskey, but I don’t think she’s using. If she starts using, I don’t know how I’m going to be able to look after her. I’m used to the whiskey bottle and what it does to her. I know how the whiskey changes her, and I can cope with it… I’m used to it. But if she starts using.. I won’t know what to do.

I’m scared. I’m dead scared.

Please God… Help me ma… Please get rid of Binny and keep her away from the needle…..

Amen.

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