Posts Tagged ‘Italian’

BACON-BUTTY

BACON-BUTTY (Photo credit: johnb/Derbys/UK.)

I did such a boss job on The Butty Van (that’s what the burger van in Greaty Market is called), Pete, the owner, asked if I wanted a job! Every Saturday I’m working from ten till four on the van.  He gives me forty nicker in my hand.   If the bizzies turn up and I haven’t ducked in time, then I have to say Pete is my uncle, and I’m just helping him out for free.  Sorted! 🙂

NOW I’ve finally got the money to take Penny Salerno out, but she won’t talk to me ever since I accidentally gave her cousin Zani a scouse kiss! I’ve knocked at her house twice, and tried to talk to her at school, but she just said I’m not the lad she thought I was.  I’ve tried to explain that Zani had robbed my sales, and that I hadn’t meant to headbutt him; my head had just met with the bit between his eyes that’s all.  But Penny won’t have none of it, she just says she doesn’t even want to look at me.   She says I broke his nose! I tried to explain that I didn’t mean to (even if he did  deserve it!).

I’ve been wondering why I haven’t had a knock on the door from the bizzies for assault.  Then, on Saturday while I was doling out a bacon and egg roll with mushrooms to a customer on The Butty Van, I noticed two fellas in their twenties giving me the evils near the stall opposite.   They stood there for about five minutes before whistling over to me.  When I looked up one of them pretended to slice his throat with his hand before they walked away.   I don’t mind telling you, I wasn’t feeling too good when I walked home off the van, especially now it’s getting darker earlier.   But there was no sign of anyone on my way home.   I’d never seen the fellas before, but I bet you a burger and chips that they were Mafioso related to Zani, and I don’t want to be waking up with a horse’s head in my bed! (I’ve seen The Godfather!)

I’ve never felt the need to carry a weapon, but somehow I think things are changing…

 

 

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Burgers

Burgers (Photo credit: Neil T)

It wasn’t my fault I got the boot from Penny Salerno’s Ma’s dressmaking stall at Greaty Market!   I didn’t bank on Penny’s 17 year old cousin Zani being my work colleague on Saturday.    Penny tells me his name is actually Zanipolo, but they call him Zani.   As you might have guessed, Zani is Italian, and he growls in Italian as well!
Zani gave me the evils all morning every time Penny’s ma would turn her back.  He’d stand in front of me so customers would go to him instead of me.   At one point I was selling some turquoise voile to a woman.. I had her in the palm of my hand! When Zani stepped in front of me, took over, and completed the sale.. so he got the 2 quid owing to me from Penny’s ma.  I was steaming!

‘Eh, That was my sale!’ I shouted.

He turned to me and put his nose up to mine ‘Vaffanculo!’, I didn’t have a clue what he said, but I knew it wasn’t ‘I’m sorry’.  After staring each other out for what seemed like a life time, I turned and started calling to the customers again.  Zani tapped me on the shoulder and I turned round,  he screwed up his nose and spoke ‘ Sei uno stronzo!’

‘Yeah, to you too mate!’ I shouted.  I knew he wasn’t inviting me to his house for dinner; this fella really hated me, and for what? Dickhead!

Then Penny’s ma went off to find the bog, and knew I was in trouble.  Zani just kept staring at me and pushing me out of the way when customers showed any interest.  I finally got a  sale… spent ages priming this old girl, then when she came to hand over the cash for the pink velour curtain material, Zani does it again… he pushes me to one side and goes in for the kill, taking the money himself.

It wasn’t that which got me the sack from Penny Salerno’s Ma’s dressmaking stall at Greaty Market… it was the fact that I saw red.. I wasn’t thinking straight…  I went for Zani; diving on him over the polyester tressol.   I didn’t mean for my forehead to meet with the bridge of his nose, it’s just that the tressol collapsed to the ground, and when the ground broke Zani’s fall, my head kept moving… ’till it met his nose!  It was a right stonker of a scouse kiss; right between the eyes.  Ok, it sounds a bit aggressive now, but at the time I was just wanting to show him that I wasn’t the  wimpy little push over he thought I was! He’d wound me up all morning, and he’s bigger than me, so he could have fought back if he’d have tried.

I knew I was out on my arse straight away, especially when I saw the gash between his eyes, and the blood running down his nose.  At least he was conscious and holding onto his nose! So I did what any brave man would do…  I legged it from the stall before Zani could find his feet and get his revenge.

I stopped at the other end of the market to check that no one was following me, then sat down on a plazzy garden chair next to a burger van to get my breath back.

‘Oy! If you’re not buying, you’re not sittin’!’ shouted the fella on the van.. he had a queue as long as the Mersey tunnel waiting for cups of teas and bacon butties.

I stood up ‘No I’m not buying, got no money’.  I was about to walk away when he called me back.

‘I’ll give you a cup of tea and a beef burger with onions if you come and give us a hand for half an hour lad; I’m inundated here!’.

I didn’t need to be asked twice! My dirty apron was on and I was flipping burgers before you could say scouse kiss.

One door closes and another one opens… that’s what my mate Anthony always says.

God Penny.. I’ve got some explaining to do later!